The Job Search

Man... the last post sure was an act of sheer frustration. It helped though. The last two months have not been very eventful, considering the fact that I graduated, and, I got to meet with my parents (only for a short time). Everyday is the same, the weather here makes one feel lethargic, sapped of energy. Though I do have a part time job, one activity takes up most of my time these days, leaving me irritated and frustrated: JOB SEARCH. Every night, after I do these job applications, I ask myself the same set of questions; Is this all going to pay off (soon)? Is it really worth all this effort? Will the hiring managers have a different story to tell, like ever?? On the contrary, I wake up each morning with the same hope of reading an email in my inbox, asking me to attend an interview, but, in vain. In these troubling times, I can only say that its easier to seek and find God Almighty, but not a job.

The job search period gives you an opportunity to unravel different emotional persona of yourself, thanks to the circumstances and people around you. Your feelings are filled with intrigue, jealousy, anger, sympathy (sometimes false), sarcasm, sadness, et al. Parents have just one question "What are you upto and what are your plans?" It gets extremely frustrating to answer the same questions on an everyday basis (I do understand their concern). With friends, its always about who is ahead in the race and most often the question would be "How did he/she get a job/internship? He/She has the IQ of a peanut!" and so on. But, seriously, more and more "deserving" people, around me are finding jobs (Congratulations!), which makes me doubt my skills. Albeit the intelligence and skills, it is very important to be in the right place, at the right time.

Companies, especially in my sector have gone on a recruitment freeze and I don't see a sign of recovery, atleast in the present financial year. Even though the companies do not have projects, or are working on existing projects, they do attend job fairs, just to show their presence and that they are "weathering the storm". Most personnel representing the companies at the respective stalls, as I have observed, have an interesting ploy. Consider two people, one seeking an internship, and the other, a full time position. The first person will be told, in a blunt, but professional way, that the company is not looking to bring on any interns during this quarter. The second person would be told the exact opposite! Isn't this downright uncouth? Just give us the real story people, we are ready to listen to it, bravely. I have also attended three "interviews" after which, the interviewer doesn't call back at all! I just don't get it.... but still, I continue to post resumes, talk to companies, with the hope that someday, that magic call/email will come my way (wishful thinking)!

Crib, Crib, Crib.......

It turns out that life is so miserable for me right now, that I cannot even begin to talk about it. Nothing seems to be going in the right direction. I have already heard of two deaths in my family within a span of a couple of days between them and my dear grandmother was hospitalized for a hip fracture on the same day of one of the deaths. She is not doing great either, with cancerous cells spreading rapidly, not sparing even her cerebellum. My academics and health are taking a turn for the worse by the day, and I am not doing what I came here to do. My so called pet project of doing research in the area of sustainable construction blew up right on take-off, just like the Challenger disaster of 1986. Now I am indulged in some mundane boring work, which I don't even like doing, to be very frank. People around me are not helping either, with their sly remarks and their thoughts on how I am leading a comfortable life. Is this what I signed up for? Is this what I came here for, to the "Land of Opportunities"? I did learn of a lot of things about this country, about how people do not have an ounce of responsibility in terms of savings, how the medical system is extremely flawed et al. The list can just go on and on. I am feeling claustrophobic here and I know very well that I am borrowing somebody's words. My health is not helping me think straight and sometimes, I stare away into space for a long time. I can't seem to remember events that have occurred a few minutes ago, equations and math come by with great difficulty. I walk with a lot of pain and have a bad shoulder... In short, I am an unhealthy, defective human being. This is not me... I was a sucker for math and I could remember numbers with ease. I lead a beggar's life here, scavenging for things. This is a far cry from the life I used to lead back home. My appearance has changed since I came here, looking malnourished and disheveled. Is it really worth leading such a miserable life? After reading this, some people might point out that I am not the only one with all these problems and I should look outwards... To all of them, I just don't care, I don't give a damn, to be very frank. You can ridicule me all you want, I really don't care. Tears flow involuntarily when I think of home, a place where I cannot even think of going... I think sometimes that I should just let go of everything, but I have got myself caught in this web of problems.... The biggest problem that I have, according to me, is that I try to do almost everything with the support/advice of people close to me. I do not find their presence when it is needed the most. In my friends words, which ring true... everybody is alone here... DO NOT try and lead a life with the support of your friends or relatives, it does not work.... In hindsight, are these words true? I don't speak to my friends, or people close to me frequently and I feel lonely... I don't have anybody to talk to, and I increasingly get the feeling that all of them are distancing themselves from me...

Anyways, that's that, my life. I hate myself for coming here... My apologies for the people whom I have troubled all this while, including the time that they have spent reading this post.

Will he...? Won't he....?

Life has always been nerve racking for me. Things sort of work out in the last moment, and everything has to get down to the wire. Same was the case when I learned of my employment in a large multi-national corporation or admission into the Masters program at a prestigious US university. More recently, the suspense with respect to my so called research project has been never-ending and the professor in charge is not making things easier. No sign of any assistantship positions in the horizon either. I wonder, why can't things be a lot easier? Is it too much to ask for?

Album Revu:Maya-the illusion

Rahul Sharma's latest offering: Maya-the illusion, is an album which has the makings of a bestselling chart topper. It catches your attention right from the word go. The highlight, in my opinion, are the names of the tracks which catch your eye almost instantly-clairvoyance, leela, manifested leela, embodiment et al.

Firstly, I would recommend that this album sounds best at night, perhaps when you were stargazing-Simply superb!! Listening to this album for the first time gave me a feeling of being sent straight into space. Whats interesting is that, you would always associate Santoor with the sound of flowing water and the hills, or atleast thats what I thought when I got a chance to listen to the Santoor virtuoso Pandit Shiv Kumar Sharma's music. Maya is beyond all that, the album combines classical music with some interesting sounds and hymns. One track, Maya-the illusion also features Sunidhi Chauhan, with some interesting background vocals- in english.

So, go ahead and pick up Maya-the illusion from your nearest music store. You will not regret it

Heres another dose of Dilbert for you...

Seinfeldisms

From time to time, you can get a dose of seinfeldisms.... this one is for today:


Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?

Dilbert